I Don’t Look Sick

I’ve been told this many times. People do not understand that mental illness is very rarely an illness that can be seen. I have severe depression and anxiety. I’m not afraid to admit it, and it’s something that a lot of people deal with. But it’s not fun.

Depression is one of the worst things to deal with. There is nothing that sucks more, in my opinion, than my mind telling me that I’m a failure, that I won’t amount to anything. No matter what other people tell me, there is always that feeling inside me, that voice that I can’t seem to get to shut up, and all it does is tell me that I suck, that I’m a failure, that I can’t do anything. I have to constantly tell myself that what I’m telling myself isn’t true. That I am good enough, I will be successful, and that I will amount to greatness.

I’ve worked with nonprofits who deal with depression in the past, such as To Write Love on Her Arms, and through that have discovered my passion for helping those with depression. I started a project called Project Not Alone, but it was not a viable option to keep running, nor did I have the skill set to ensure that it was done in a way that would make it look like a good project.

Every day is a new day that is granted to us, and one of my mantras that I repeat to myself comes from my favorite person, Robin Williams. His last line that was filmed was “Smile, my boy. It’s sunrise.” So I do. I smile. I laugh, and I work through my depression, hoping that one day it’s gone, but, if not, I know I can use it and my experiences to help others who are going through the same thing.

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